Lucian the Sanguine Garbageman

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It’s been a long time since I did a character based nonsense strip. My apologies for making the three people who enjoy them wait so long. I’d do them more frequently, but whenever I write them, they usually end up as sketches or parts get cannibalized and put into spec scripts no one will ever see.

Since this cartoon has absolutely no point, a commentary’s pretty useless. However, I can use this space to repeat some info the folks who subscribe to the weekly (RSS 2.0) update (Atom) feed might’ve missed:

Buy stuff! If you’re fancy enough to have a newsreader, you can certainly afford some of the awesome crap that’s in the store.

Come to my sketch troupe’s show Tuesday night (April 4) at An Tua Nua, at 8:30PM. We’ll be doing some favorites and trying out some new stuff. For just $5, you’ll see two sketch comedy groups, us and Bragging to Children. There are TVs by the bar if you’re worried about missing the Red Sox stink it up with the Rangers.

UPDATE: The music acts cancelled. The only thing I hate more than performing for strangers is performing for no one; so please come. After the show, I’ll be giving away BFW books, and the prop cartoons we use in the show to the first ten people I don’t know who come and mention Big Fat Whale.

Watch Wonder Showzen This Friday You Losers!

wondershowzen.jpgIf you don’t frequent the near-invisible triple digit portion of your cable spectrum, you might’ve missed the first season of Wonder Showzen, the greatest show that’s still on the air. At first glance it might appear to be just shock humor, but it’s some of the best social and political commentary on television.

The DVD for the first season came out yesterday, so you can buy it or Netflix it if you don’t get MTV2. Even poor smelly me bought it. The extras and commentaries are worth it, but buying DVDs of shows you like is the only way to encourage networks to produce good things instead of mindless LCD dreck unless you have a Nielsen box.

Season 2 starts Friday night at 9:30. You should also be watching Moral Orel on Adult Swim. And if Dino finds this by googling his show: hi and thanks for making good TV.

Kansas Classrooms

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I could’ve just as easily titled this cartoon South Dakota Classrooms, Missouri Classrooms, Mississippi Classrooms, etc., but I’m a sucker for alliteration. Still, this cartoon doesn’t adequately reflect the harsh reality in any of those horrible places.

Not content with just fucking up the lives of their own children, the people of those states have begun to restrict access to birth control, vaccines, and general knowledge to adults they don’t even know. While they’re at it, they should ban seat belts as a means to prevent speeding. Dan Savage tore into the right’s misguided attempt at policing morality at the end of this week’s column.

Not informing kids about safe sex isn’t going to prevent them from having sex. The people who think that are under some delusion that the fear of unwanted pregnancies or STDs is enough to get kids to stop fucking each other. Well, it’s not. What else is there to do out on the prairie? I bet there are parts of the midwest where a herpes outbreak is the most exciting thing that ever happens to someone.

The only way to guarantee your child won’t have sex too early is to raise a homely, socially-awkward child with an intense interest in math and science. Of course, you’d actually have to let science teachers teach science for that to work.

I’m Oh So Fancy!

Sorry hobos, as much as I enjoyed being confused for a drifter, I finally cut my hair. Now my giant head looks like Karl Pilkington’s, but without the male pattern baldness. Give me four more years and I could be his doppelganger.

I recently bought pants from the men’s department and had them altered. They are much nicer than wearing baggy pants meant for fat kids. Maybe by summer I’ll be wearing an ascot and spats!

Mid-Season Replacements

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Happy Evacuation Day everyone! This cartoon is simply the second installment of a cartoon I did last year. But this year I made sure it would coincide with the release of actual mid-season replacements.

And what mind-numbingly awful replacements they are. The most infuriating are all the single-camera sitcoms that are obviously dumbed down versions of Arrested Development, the greatest American comedy of the aughts, as it will come to be known by comedy nerds of the future.

Sure television is a cancerous cesspool that caters to the lowest common denominator, but it is also my best friend. It hurts my feelings when it interrupts our special time together by showing me Ned Holness yelling a pseudo-punchline, or Jim Belushi simply existing.

Love or hate this cartoon, at least give me credit for the kick ass title panel.

I Free Myself From the Tyranny of Pants

Just a reminder to come to our show tomorrow night if you didn’t go to the one in February. Hell, even if you did go to that one, you should come to this one. There will also be three other comedy acts performing that are worth your attention. I recommend buying tickets in advance. You’ll save money and won’t risk getting turned away at the door.

If you insist on not going, check out The Good Students’ other Brian’s band Media at Pa’s Lounge in Somerville. And since he’ll be busy doing that, I get a part in tomorrow show that doesn’t require a wig. Hooray!