MTV Get Off the Air

This week marks the 25th birthday of MTV. What started out as a good idea devolved into a televised display of all that’s wrong with kids these days. If you think I’m just being a cranky old fart, try watching My Super Sweet Sixteen, Laguna Beach, or True Life: I Want Fake Calves without contemplating the hazards of procreating.

I did discover a lot of great music in my teens thanks to shows like 120 Minutes and Alternative Nation, but the current equivalent of those shows airs in the middle of the night on MTV2.

MTV is still capable of doing great things, which is why it pains me to see My Humps twenty times a day. So in honor of MTV’s birthday, here are several music videos I discovered no thanks to them. Continue reading MTV Get Off the Air

The Price of Life

The Price of Life
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I tried to make the math as valid as possible. I’m sure many people won’t be happy with the equation or the rankings. However, it’s no accident that albinos and those with absolutely no gayness at all get an LVF of infinity.

I’ve been dodging the Israel-Lebanon issue because I can’t think of a funny angle on it. Since no one’s coming here for foreign policy advice, I believe I should only do a cartoon if it’s funny. I’ll leave the preachy histrionics to everyone else.

What else? “Octoroon’s Constant” is one of my favorite jokes, which probably means no one else likes it. If I was musically inclined, I’d be in a band called Planck and the Constants.

Next Week: I make fun of art.

Ask a Carny

Ask a Carny
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I originally wanted every bit of advice the carny gave to be “join the carnival,” but decided that wasn’t much of a joke to waste eight panels on. After I wrote this, I felt like a dick for picking on poor defenseless carnies. But then I remembered all the times they wouldn’t let me on rides because I was too short. So fuck ’em.

I’m not sure if it works in comic strip form, but I think “Ask a Carny” could thrive as a regular feature of this blog. I’m fortunate enough to have a friend who works in the carnival arts and he’s willing to answer your questions. He doesn’t have email, so if you send them to me (whale [at] bigfatwhale.com) I will pass them along through the CB. I’ll post his responses the next time he drifts through town.

Next Week: I attempt to wrestle the serious issues of the day while wearing a singlet of hilarity.

The Cartoonist As a Delinquent Youth

I was going through some of the piles of garbage I’ve collected over the years and came across these cartoons I drew when I was 13 or 14. You can click the images for enlarged versions.

JFK SmallThis one is titled “Angry Kennedy.”
Hey SmallI believe this a self-portrait. I remember really wanting a lava lamp at the time.
Fatty SmallIn this cartoon, a skinny guy is shocked to find that a fat man’s midsection has been magically grafted onto his own body.
Brain SmallThis cartoon, titled “All of a Sudden, Larry’s Brain Quit!” is from my “pastel period.”

Being a packrat, I have tons of cassettes and videos from my youth. One day I’ll get around to digitizing them. They are hilarious.

Where In the Afterlife Is Ken Lay’s Soul?

Ken Lay's Soul
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Upon learning of Ken Lay’s death, I wanted to do a large single panel cartoon titled “All Assholes Go to Heaven.” It would’ve been a larger version of this comic’s final panel and featured many dead politicians and celebrities I’m not very fond of. For those of you who can’t decipher my mediocre illustration, the three people greeting Lay in Asshole Heaven are Strom Thurmond, Richard Nixon, and Ronald Reagan.

I’m not clear on the reasons, but I was asked to obscure Reagan’s face by Campus Progress. And since I will do anything for money, I obliged. However, I am still confident that the man would be in Asshole Heaven if such a place existed.

I apologize for getting all high falutin’ and using the word corporeal. Who do I think I am?

And a gentle reminder:
I encourage all of you to buy assorted BFW goods. Otherwise I may have to run a bunch of Wayne Dyer specials to solicit money from sad and lonely old people.

A Series of Complaints

I couldn’t think of anything to put up here this week. Here’s a sampling of recently aborted posts. And since I’ve partially posted them here, you could technically call them partial birth blogbortions. Zing-a-ding-a-doo!

  • Dear Oxi Clean Guy, please stop yelling.
  • Little Man is offensive to man-babies everywhere.
  • Those annoying Kendall-Park Street shuttles on the Red Line are much more tolerable now that I know the tunnels could kill me. However, I still hate them.
  • Tiny TVs in headlights? Pimp My Ride has gone too far.
  • The fact that Zach Galifiankis‘s Come On and Get It (Up In Them Guts) hasn’t become the anthem for the summer of 2006 says something awful about our society.

Harvey Hudson Reports

Harvey Hudson
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As I said last week, I think this cartoon is shit. I loathe local TV news and its inanity, but that’s no excuse for making something this lame. I managed to get this done in half the time it usually takes me to make a cartoon, and it shows.

If you can forgive me this foray into suckage, join me tomorrow (Saturday, July 8) at Million Year Picnic in Cambridge (map) between 2 and 4. I’ll be signing copies of Attitude 3 with Mark Poutenis, whose Thinking Ape Blues graces the Dig’s comic pages. We’ll also be trying to get you to buy our own crap, which we will also sign.

Next Week: I’m not sure yet, but it’s got to be better than this.