Merry Atheist-mas

If you didn’t get this in the mail, it’s either because I don’t know you, don’t have your current address, my sloppy handwriting was rejected by the post office, or you stink of gelt. But merry Xmas anyway!

It is my sincerest hope to incorporate a bearskin rug and/or mounted game into next year’s xmas card.

After the jump, some xmas vids for you to enjoy while avoiding your family. Continue reading Merry Atheist-mas

Bad Archivist

You’re getting your oils all over Lincoln’s bible! If you were doing that here in 1998-1999, I would’ve thrown your ass out!

It’s pretty weird that that thing hasn’t been used since Lincoln’s first inauguration. Was every president since only picking Washington and Jefferson’s bibles, spreading their slave-holding germs through the centuries?

Both Sides of the War on Christmas

Now that we’re all poor as fuck, bitching about liberal douchebags like me saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas; I hate gays and love embryos! And if anyone says ‘Feliz Navidad,’ send ’em back to Mexico!” seems pretty trivial. But lets remember Xmas 2007, when we were all bloated with imaginary money, and very petty hatreds.

Toby Keith offers one perspective at Stephen Colbert’s Christmas Cabin:

And here’s my opposing viewpoint.

I love Stephen Colbert, and would gladly give up this shit alt-weekly comic strip to write for his show, but Sweet Mary’s Placenta, Viacom sure makes it hard to embed a promo for their awesome shows. In this era of embedded video, just stick video ads at the end of the clips. People will watch them and you won’t fuck up my blog.

Recession Recipes


click for comic

Let’s hope our economic troubles stick around for a while, because I could save a lot of time if this was a recurring bit.

There’s still time to buy stuff from the store, but I’m all out of LARGE t-shirts. A new, snazzier design might come along in 2009 if there’s enough interest.

Next Week: The Forgotten College Comedy Goofballz

Back to Work

I’m back in Somerville and catching up on all the stuff I couldn’t do while on the road, such as taking relaxing dumps in familiar environments.

Now that it is behind me, I can reveal the purpose of my trip: I was on an official fact-finding mission to the Mid-Atlantic states.

FACTS I FOUND:

  1. The Mutter Museum is fascinating.
  2. Scrapple is delicious.
  3. Pennsylvania’s beer laws are crazy-pants-retarded.
  4. Steve Buscemi gives an excellent audio tour at Eastern State Penitentiary.
  5. Johns Hopkins and its environs got way too fancy.

These facts have been filed with the appropriate authorities.