It’s been quite a while since I opined on political matters, both here and in the comic. That’s because it’s easier to write non-political stuff ahead of time, then post it whenever I get the chance without having to worry about stuff being out-of-date when it goes out to you lovely people.
Now that I’m back in New England for the foreseeable future, I can start to plot out my production schedule and give you more timely politically-themed fart jokes. But for now, he’s a brief rundown of some of the shit I missed.
George Tiller – I hope the douchebag who assassinated him solved all the problems affecting actual people before he began his quest to “save” babies who only exist in the future. Because getting your God-panties in a bunch over a couple fetuses, while ignoring the staggering infant mortality numbers in our own country would be retarded.
Abdulhakim Muhammad – What a fucking moron. Shooting up a military recruiting center in Arkansas? With that name? He probably inspired hundreds of rednecks to enlist. SMOOTH MOVE, ABDULHAKIM!
DOMA – Obama’s being a pussy when it comes to the gay stuff. He should get rid of that and Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell, then say to the homophobes he’s apparently so afraid of, “What?! The world is collapsing around us, and you nosy bitches still want to interfere with the private lives of others? Well, fuck y’all.” Also at the press conference, John Waters will be standing behind him, arms-crossed, and ready to dish out the catty comments to any members of the press who ask stupid questions.
Holocaust Museum Shooting – If you’re a holocaust-denying anti-semite, instead of killing a rent-a-cop, hiring David Copperfield to make the musuem dissappear is a much better way to get your hateful message out there.
Iran – Yowsers! Imagine if one of the candidates was really independent and not some cleric’s flunky. I know there are vast differences, but I’m not going to get excited until those Persian kids get rid of their Shia Pope Overlords. Also, let’s never forget that Andrew Sullivan is a tool who cheerleaded as our country went into the stupidest war ever.
I think that’s everything I missed, except for Susan Boyle.