Bigfoot Exists!

I went camping in Coleman State Park way up in northern New Hampshire last weekend. I highly recommend it for anyone who enjoys camping far away from pampered campers and their giganto RVs.

There is wildlife all over the park, especially loons and moose. But the big surprise was capturing photographic evidence that at least one Bigfoot lives in New Hampshire’s Great North Woods:

bigfoot_enhanced

At approximately 5’3″ and with a footprint around a men’s 7.5 US, this creature isn’t anywhere near “big,” but it is very hairy, has a foul odor, and avoids contact with most humans.

Wilderness Survival Guide

Wilderness Survival Guide
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I’m going camping this weekend, and I wrote this comic to prepare myself. By the time you read this, I’ll probably be deep in the New Hampshire woods, getting mauled by a Libertarian bear.

Don’t use this guide until you’re wearing Mr. P’s stylish wilderness color schemes. Yellow slickers and safety orange are for assholes.

Bostonish Folks: Read all about the August 29th Big Fat Whale Event!

Next Week: Awful Comic Book Villains

Big Fat Whale at the Burren

at the Burren

The Boston area Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums event will be held on Saturday, August 29th, from 4 to 7pm at The Burren in Davis Square. It’ll be in the Back Room, which, as the name implies, is behind the front room.

The event is totally free, with a cash bar. I’m planning on starting the slideshow around 5 o’clock, and signing books before and after it.

If you’ll be attending, please let me know. I need a rough count so I can plan accordingly. You can also leave a comment on this blog post or RSVP via Facebook.

If you want to help promote the event, here’s a flyer you can print out and put up at work, your laundromat, or your dorm.

In addition to drinking, slideshowing, answering your questions, and selling & signing your books, I might raffle off some original Big Fat Whale art. All proceeds would go to the “Holy Shit! Brian’s About to Turn 30!” Fund.

Would you be interested in that? Or have other suggestions? Now is the time to make this thing AWESOME.

Public Options Live

Public Options Live
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If you’re not familiar with John Carpenter’s They Live, this clip should light a fire under your ass to go see it right-fucking-now:

I’ve heard, seen, and written the words “public option” so much over the past few months, they’ve nearly lost all meaning. But you’d have to be pretty fucking dumb to think the federal government isn’t already shooting public options out of its ass for everything BUT health insurance.

But you know what? Private options are all over the goddamn-place too. Some are prohibitively expensive, but since selfish assholes deny the benefits of pooling resources to lower costs, there’s a private (and usually more expensive) option for nearly everything the government does.

Don’t like the public option for streets and sidewalks? You can build your fucking own on your own goddamn property!

Don’t like the quasi-public option of the United States Post Office? Go to UPS!

Don’t like the public option for putting out fires and saving your ass? Hire a big dude to follow you everywhere with a giant hose!

Don’t like cheap, affordable public transit? You can get a limo, Mr. Moneybags!

Don’t like your public water supply? Pay Coke or Pepsi to bottle someone else’s public water supply for you, you fucking moron!

Don’t like the US Military? Dick Cheney’s old mercenary company will gladly take your money to fuck some foreigners up!

Don’t like NASA being fucking awesome and sending dudes to the fucking moon for all of fucking mankind? Burt Rutan and Sir Richard Branson will send you on a sub-orbital, pussy-ass space flight for a hefty fee.

It goes on and on. Republicans/Libertarians argue that all of these things are privileges, not rights, and that they shouldn’t be taxed to give poor people access to them. They can take that position because they are terrible human beings.

However, I firmly believe blow jobs are a privilege. I will not support a public option that gives blow jobs to those who can’t earn them on their own. Coincidentally, that group is almost entirely made up of Republicans and Libertarians.

Tom Tomorrow, Kevin Moore, Jen Sorensen, Matt Bors, and all of my peers who take their alt-weekly cartoon orders from George Soros and ACORN have recently done excellent cartoons about our nation’s terrible health care.

Next Week: Surviving the Wilderness

Stinking Merit Badges

Stinking Merit Badges
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I was never involved in scouting. Except for the Jesusyness and homophobia, I’ve got nothing against it. However, there should be an age limit. Scouts, Weblos, whatever-the-hell you want to call them, who are still into it when they reach their mid-teens make Mormon teens look cool.

I took an impromptu mini-vacation over the Fourth of July weekend (AKA a Patriotic Bender for America) and delayed planning the Boston Fun Stuff event. Details wicked soon, you guys! I promise.

Next Week: Public Options Live

Pentagon Fireworks

Pentagon Fireworks
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Phantom LogoIf you haven’t traveled across many state lines, you might not recognize the Phantom of Phantom Fireworks. His blank-eyed stare greeted me from atop dozens of billboards throughout my road trip in May.

He’s pretty much a rip-off of Dr. Doom and the Phantom Gourmet. He also shares the same ominous look of the Wessex Fireworks (now Pains Fireworks) Guy Fawkes mascot I encountered while doing research for this cartoon.

Wessex MascotAnd that got me thinking; America needs a Guy Fawkes-esque Night in addition to our regularly scheduled 4th of July patriotic display of ammunition and hot dogs.

That way, we could burn effigies of our enemies and get all our angries out without actually bombing real, living human beings. Poor-ass countries who can’t afford Predator Drones and nukes already do this, even though making effigies of George W. Bush used up the precious few resources they had.

It’s just an idea, but I really want to make Khamenei and Ahmadinejad effigies and shove cherry bombs up their asses. I’ve already got some old sheets and paint, and I can drive 30 miles to New Hampshire (where fireworks are legal) and make it happen for under 20 bucks. That’s much cheaper than starting another $1 Trillion war.

Next Week: Stinking Merit Badges

Jonathan Richman on Space Ghost

I was hunting for some hilariously lame patriotic videos, but took a break to see if there was any new Jonathan Richman stuff on YouTube and found this.

I remember watching it when it aired. 1995! So I was 15 or 16. I wasn’t familiar with his music at the time, and it was a few years before “There’s Something About Mary,” but I remember thinking he was the first guest who actually seemed to get what Space Ghost Coast to Coast was all about.

Part 1 Continue reading Jonathan Richman on Space Ghost