The Metric Resistance


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Anyone with even a tiny math and science background will tell you that the metric system kicks the shit out of our current system, which is a bastard cousin of the long-gone British Imperial system. Dumb America’s stubborn refusal to adopt it is almost as embarrassing as their opposition to health insurance reform.

I know the French invented metric units, but come on! With the metric system, it would be very easy for even the dumbest American to upsize their Frito Pie recipe for a big-ass tea bag party.

Look at this map of countries that use the metric system:

Only the United States, Burma, and Liberia aren’t on board. Antarctica is also gray, but only scientists are down there, and I’m sure they aren’t using pounds and ounces to weigh penguin shit.

Although I’m a big advocate for the metric system, beer and burgers should be measured in pints and pounds for all eternity. I’m in favor of progress, but some things shouldn’t be fucked with.

UPDATE: Over on the BFW Facebook page, Garth pointed out this song from Atom and His Package:

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8 thoughts on “The Metric Resistance”

  1. Pints vary though. A pint’s a pound the world around unless you’re in England.

    The standard system is better because you can measure stuff without a ruler. Inches are thumbs, feet are feet, rods are nose to hand, cubits are forearms, a pound is 1/8th of a human head, horsepower is the power of one horse, and a fucknut is the size of a single teste.

  2. There is nothing wrong with drinking from a 2-liter bottle of soda as long as you’re not sharing it.

  3. M – Imperial pints are all that matter. I will gladly submit to British rule if I can get four more ounces of beer.

    Blake – If you like backwash with your high fructose corn syrup, then yeah. It’s one step away from strapping it upside-down in a corner of your bedroom and sucking on it like a hamster.

  4. I never backwash, sir.

    Also, the hamster imagery is exactly what came to mind for me as well, which is why I don’t do it outside of my own apartment.

  5. I love Metric, but I think for human purposes, Fahrenheit is more useful, and actually closer to the convenience of metric:

    Celsius:
    0: water freezes
    100: water boils

    Fahrenheit:
    0: colder than Denmark
    100: warmer than human blood

    If I want to boil and freeze water: hell yeah, Celsius. But if I want to know how hot or cold it is outside, explain it to me in terms I can understand!

    -danny

  6. Celsius is crap, you still have to offset from absolute on every calculation. Just use Kelvins for temperature and be done with it.

  7. I can’t believe I forgot the obligatory dick joke, Kelvins being a multipurpose unit:

    “It’s 293.15 Kelvins out so you don’t need a coat.”

    “My penis is twice as big as Kelvin’s.”

  8. Blake – Your apartment is your castle, and you can be as gross as you like within its walls. (In the privacy of my home, I am a pig who will sometimes substitute Doritos in place of proper nachos.)

    Danny – I agree. Celsius units are too big. And decimal points on a weather map are too clunky.

    Eric – If Kelvins come into daily use, then “Guess the Attendance” at baseball games should be in Avogadro’s Number.

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