Revenge of the Blockbuster

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It’s Memorial Day weekend, it’s in the 80s outside, 90s in my 3rd floor apartment, and that means I’ll probably watch some shitty movie just for the air conditioning. Sitting through random explosions and stilted dialogue is better than digging our air conditioner out from under the pile of winter detritus that accumulated in our storage space.

Sorry I didn’t do a Quickie this week, even though I promised someone on Twitter that I’d do one about Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s death. I’ll try to squeak it out later today before quittin’ time.

Next Week: Undeclared GOP Candidates

Hawking’s Correction

Stephen Hawking got a bunch of dum-dums upset earlier this week by saying that heaven is a “fairy story” for people who are afraid to die. I’m not sure why he limited it to just heaven, since every religion was invented for the same reason.

This has created a predictable backlash from religious luminaries, such as Kirk Cameron, famous banana enthusiast.

Francona’s Strategy

The Red Sox have been flirting with .500 for what feels like an eternity. Pretty soon I’ll have to give up hoping that it’s just a slow start and begin to admit that this team isn’t very good, particularly the pitching.

As for the Bruins, they’re in the third of what feels like an infinite number of NHL playoff rounds. Which is fine by me. They’ve been fun to watch all season.

I am 5’3″, and therefore unqualified to comment on the Celtics and basketball in general. Except to say that I’ll be very glad when that clip of Rondo dislocating his elbow stops appearing everywhere and grossing me out.

And so concludes “Brian Blogs about Boston Shit” week.

Spring Space Savahs

Apparently this person is afraid pollen levels are so high they’ll clog up the dozens of other open spots on this street. I disagree with this behavior in the winter, but in the spring it’s outright sociopathic.

The city of Boston is supposed to pick up this garbage 48 hours after a snowstorm, so maybe they’re just running a little behind. By about 1,656 hours.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to put on my old man pants and shake my fist at some other things that make me angry.

Republican Whisper Campaigns

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Now that the 2012 GOP campaign has kinda-sorta begun, they’ll inevitably be forced to shift from making up shit about Obama and start on each other. It’s unfortunate that the field is so weak and/or crazy. A viable candidate might’ve forced Obama to at least pay lip service to the concerns of the left, but now he can just point at the other guys and say, “Can you believe this shit?”

Next Week: Patents Pending

OsamaShark

Unless the trillions of dollars and countless lives this country wasted in its decade-long post-9-11 freak-out were found in bin Laden’s compound, his assassination isn’t much of a victory. Revenge for the victims, sure. But we’re still broke, and full of adult babies who chant “U-S-A! U-S-A!,” blissfully unaware that their country is still crumbling around them.

More than the actual attacks, the celebrations of bin Laden’s death brought me back to the days and months that followed, where jingos waved flags around like a bunch of assholes.

However, I loved Sharktopus, and would gladly like to see Syfy make this movie. If they pay me.