Jeter’s Boo-Boo

I tweeted this morning that I’d do a Quickie about the first news item someone sent to me. And once again it was this dude who gave me a Quickie subject. If anyone else starts reading my tweets, I might make it a regular thing.

It’s a big sports day here in Boston, with the Bruins a couple hours away from Game 7 in Vancouver. I’m debating whether or not I should liveblog the game. If that’s something you’d like to see, let me know in the comments. Otherwise I’ll probably just tweet a few mean things about Canada during commercial breaks, particularly about Tim Hortons and their foreskin-filled donuts.

In the meantime, Canuck fan and comedian Andrew Barber has been posting a funny series of videos as faux Bruins fan Boston Greg that are worth checking out even if you don’t follow sports.

As for Jeter’s injury: It means he’ll get his 3,000th hit during some other game I won’t be watching or have much interest in beyond its effect on the AL East standings.

Zombie R. Murrow

One year after “Recovery Summer,” unemployment hasn’t budged. And it’s increased if you count the millions who’ve given up. But another politician did something with his ding dong, so let’s cover that! Of course, with this cartoon, I’m contributing to the ridiculous news cycle I’m ostensibly deriding, and not as cleverly as Jen or Matt.

Palin’s Boston History

Famous stupid person Sarah Palin said a dumb thing about Paul Revere’s ride.

Evacuation Day is a real thing here in Boston, and it celebrates when the British left Boston, ending an eleven month siege. Obviously it’s more obscure than Paul Revere, and even those of normal intelligence wouldn’t know about it, but I’ll never let the facts get in the way of a good poop joke, for LIBERTY!

Hawking’s Correction

Stephen Hawking got a bunch of dum-dums upset earlier this week by saying that heaven is a “fairy story” for people who are afraid to die. I’m not sure why he limited it to just heaven, since every religion was invented for the same reason.

This has created a predictable backlash from religious luminaries, such as Kirk Cameron, famous banana enthusiast.

Francona’s Strategy

The Red Sox have been flirting with .500 for what feels like an eternity. Pretty soon I’ll have to give up hoping that it’s just a slow start and begin to admit that this team isn’t very good, particularly the pitching.

As for the Bruins, they’re in the third of what feels like an infinite number of NHL playoff rounds. Which is fine by me. They’ve been fun to watch all season.

I am 5’3″, and therefore unqualified to comment on the Celtics and basketball in general. Except to say that I’ll be very glad when that clip of Rondo dislocating his elbow stops appearing everywhere and grossing me out.

And so concludes “Brian Blogs about Boston Shit” week.

OsamaShark

Unless the trillions of dollars and countless lives this country wasted in its decade-long post-9-11 freak-out were found in bin Laden’s compound, his assassination isn’t much of a victory. Revenge for the victims, sure. But we’re still broke, and full of adult babies who chant “U-S-A! U-S-A!,” blissfully unaware that their country is still crumbling around them.

More than the actual attacks, the celebrations of bin Laden’s death brought me back to the days and months that followed, where jingos waved flags around like a bunch of assholes.

However, I loved Sharktopus, and would gladly like to see Syfy make this movie. If they pay me.

Candidate Mitt

I’m not a big fan of 2012 election commentary this early, but Mitt Romney’s a tool. The guy will say and do anything to grub for votes, somehow unaware that there’s tons of video of him saying fairly reasonable things to get elected by the sane residents of Massachusetts (ie: Not Scott Brown’s or Stephen Lynch’s base.).

And since most of New Hampshire’s population lives right on the Massachusetts border, I’m going to be bombarded with ads for this shithead until the primary. I’d rather watch Bob’s Discount Furniture ads on a constant loop.