I Miss Baltimore

If I, an internet nerd, can’t even find a Micah’s Soul Food Cafeteria commercial on YouTube, there is no chance of me convincing others that the Baltimore of “The Wire” isn’t that far from reality.

This is a comedy sketch from Chicago, but it is also the only video I’ve found that captures the Kaufmanesque wonder of those Micah’s commercials. (For their Xmas one, they chanted “Go Santa, it’s your birthday” to a plug-in Santa.)

In case you’re still confused, this is a comedy video. It’s OK to laugh.

Buffalo Bill Won’t You Come Out Tonight

I happened upon this video while dicking around last night. I was originally looking at a Lego-animated song from Silence! The Musical, and I went on a Buffalo Bill Google-Spirit Quest after that.  I didn’t think much of the song until I realized I was singing it in my head while showering this morning. It is wonderfully catchy. MANGINA ALERT!

My apologies if this was everywhere a few years ago and I just missed it. Here’s Greenskeepers’ website. It redirects right to their MySpace page, so click only if you are from 2006.

Bill Hicks on Rush Limbaugh

Bill Hicks has been dead for just over 15 years. Yet Rush still blusters on and even took up a huge chunk of today’s news. There is no justice. We really do let the demons run amok.

I guess I have Hicks on the brain. I alluded to his Leno Doritos bit on Friday, and I watched one of his stand-up specials earlier today. I love that poor, dead genius.

Wanna Be In PA


Eagles of Death Metal – Wanna Be In LA

PA, LA, it’s all the same. Both are somewhere “out west” to me. I’m off to the land of Yuengling for a couple of weeks, with a brief stop in Baltimore to get my Natty Boh on.

Unless one of those famous bitter Pennsylvanians accidentally shoots me while clinging to a gun, you probably won’t even notice I’m away. Updates and stupid blog posts like this one will continue as usual. The only setback is that I won’t be able to mail out any orders until I get back. But everyone’s poor and not buying stuff anyway.

Will Oldham: The Shit, or Just an Awesome Dude?

Moving and these lazy summer days have rendered my blog-testicles impotent of blurb-sperm. So here are some Will Oldham clips I enjoy:


Easy Does It


Cold & Wet


Kanye West – Can’t Tell Me Nothin’ w/ Zach Galifianakis and Will Oldham directed by Michael Blieden

I tried to embed a clip of Will Oldham as Pastor Pigmeat in “Horse Apples,” but Viacom is a buncha dicks. That clip could’ve sold a DVD or two of Wonder Showzen, but their unusable embedding code prevented me from doing that. In that spirit, search for a torrent of the Mathematics episode of Wonder Showzen instead. A link to the full episode in super-shitty quality can be found here.

The “Horse Apples” episode of Wonder Showzen is a source of much conflict between me and my friends. They can’t stand it; yet I love it. I rewatch it all the time, and force everyone who sits in front of my TV (or computers) to eventually succumb to its genius. That episode summarized our terrible decade in 22 painfully hilarious basic cable minutes. Wonder Sowzen never had the Smothers Brothers’ numbers, but it deserved to. As a critique of the media and its audience, “Horse Apples” clips will be preserved forever in all the future documentaries that try to explain what the fuck was up with us turn-of-the-century douchebags.

But I’m not such a Grumpy Gus that I’d end on that sour note, so here’s a squirrel frolicking to a Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy song:


Just to See My Holly Home

Perfect for Your Summer Wedding!

I found this via Scuffletown. I’m no expert at such things, but I think any event that hires a Chris Thrash programmed Rockafire Explosion as its band, is an event that I wouldn’t mind attending.

I considered not posting this video because it could cause furries to masturbate all over my blog. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take to share this with you.

I grew up in solid Chuck E. Cheese territory and have no nostalgia for this Showbiz Pizza Place shithole. In fact, I think back in the eighties, Showbiz and Chuck E were just like West and East Coast rap rivalries.

EDIT: I just wanted to add than I can watch a gorilla play the piano forever. Give me that instead of a fireplace, and you just sold yourself a house!