A Townie Takes on “Wahlburgers”

wahlburgers

Click to read on The Nib

I live just up the road from the reality TV show set/burger restaurant “Wahlburgers.” So I left my apartment in Quincy, took 3A over the Fore River Bridge and down to an upscale outdoor mall in Hingham to report on these B-list burgers.

The food was OK. But its trying-too-hard fake-Boston-ness was worse than Julianne Moore’s accent on “30 Rock.”

12 Months of Boston

12 Months of Boston

click for comic

I started drawing this before Friday’s car chase, shootout, manhunt and lockdown (which was voluntary, martial law whiners) craziness. Boston (And its neighbors, who I didn’t forget, because I’m using “Boston” as shorthand for Greater Boston.) will return to normal. The bombings will cast a pall over the year, but we’ll still find reasons to day drink and get way too worked up over our sports teams.

I’ve had a lot of people on Twitter ask if they can buy a print of this cartoon. The answer is yes. Just put “12 Months of Boston” in the info field. I would’ve done something that gives the proceeds directly to The One Fund Boston, but that’s a lot of paperwork. You’ll just have to take my word for it that I’ll donate 20% of the sale of each print ($5) to the fund.

Your Guide to Townie Bars

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Hey, here’s a cartoon I did for the Phoenix. Look at it, if you don’t mind my aggressively-local sense of humor.

I’m an expert at this subject, but I will only share the location of my favorite townie bars with trusted individuals. All dives in my neighborhood are under constant threat of turning into hipster bars, so their locations have to be protected.

Help Pad Paddy’s Pockets

My pal and fellow cartoonist John Walsh has just ten days left in the Kickstarter campaign for his graphic novel, Go Home Paddy. It’s 75% funded as of this writing, so any little bit you can contribute will help push it over the finish line. Besides helping the project out, various contribution sizes result in assorted thank-yous including prints and original art.

And it’s not just a story for us Boston micks. Anti-immigrant fervor is still everywhere in this country, although the xenophobes’ ire has shifted from us potato-boilers to brown folks who actually know how to make food that tastes good. You can see for yourself since a huge chunk of the comic has been serialized on its website.

Don’t delay, pledge now!

My #OccupyBoston Field Trip

Since the Occupy Wall Street thing has gained some traction, similar events have popped up across the country, including Boston. The Boston one started on Friday, and has been growing all weekend. I had nothing going on yesterday, so I put on some pants and checked it out.

The site’s in Dewey Square, on the Greenway, right across the street from Boston’s Federal Reserve. And unlike what I’ve seen and read about what’s going on in NYC, the police presence is minimal.

Most folks who weren’t in meetings or painting signs were standing across from South Station along Atlantic Ave., holding signs and sloganeering to passing traffic. The most enthusiastic honks came from taxis and truckers, and this spot is also where essential supplies such as pizza and coffee are dropped off.

I forgot to count all the tents, but I was glad to see that most people who are in it for the long-haul used proper camping techniques and utilized ground cloths and tarps. It’s been pretty rainy and miserable here, so pallets and cardboard are serving as make-shift walkways to keep things from getting too gross. There was one Ron Paul-themed tent, and it was kind of adorable, until you really think about the entirety of Ron Paul’s platform.

Don’t let the sloppy rigging of the media tent fool you; things are organized on the inside. It actually kinda looked like a Best Buy with all the monitors and computing power going on in there. I guess I’m technically a member of the media and could’ve gone in, but the Greenway has free wifi, and I don’t like talking to strangers outside of bar-type situations, so I pretty much kept to myself, except saying “no” to the dude who asked me if I had any rolling papers. Sorry, Tommy Chong!

For everyone saying the #Occupy protests have no agenda or demands; I found three signs in one spot that sum up the whole thing pretty succinctly. I’ve been saying similar things for years, so it’s sincerely heartening to see a bonafide movement coalesce around the same issues. I’ll keep visiting for as long as it’s going on, and maybe I’ll actually talk to some people next time.

Palin’s Boston History

Famous stupid person Sarah Palin said a dumb thing about Paul Revere’s ride.

Evacuation Day is a real thing here in Boston, and it celebrates when the British left Boston, ending an eleven month siege. Obviously it’s more obscure than Paul Revere, and even those of normal intelligence wouldn’t know about it, but I’ll never let the facts get in the way of a good poop joke, for LIBERTY!

Francona’s Strategy

The Red Sox have been flirting with .500 for what feels like an eternity. Pretty soon I’ll have to give up hoping that it’s just a slow start and begin to admit that this team isn’t very good, particularly the pitching.

As for the Bruins, they’re in the third of what feels like an infinite number of NHL playoff rounds. Which is fine by me. They’ve been fun to watch all season.

I am 5’3″, and therefore unqualified to comment on the Celtics and basketball in general. Except to say that I’ll be very glad when that clip of Rondo dislocating his elbow stops appearing everywhere and grossing me out.

And so concludes “Brian Blogs about Boston Shit” week.

Spring Space Savahs

Apparently this person is afraid pollen levels are so high they’ll clog up the dozens of other open spots on this street. I disagree with this behavior in the winter, but in the spring it’s outright sociopathic.

The city of Boston is supposed to pick up this garbage 48 hours after a snowstorm, so maybe they’re just running a little behind. By about 1,656 hours.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to put on my old man pants and shake my fist at some other things that make me angry.

I’m Walkin’ Ovah Heah!

I’m sure I have “Sidewalk Rage,” if that’s even a thing, but why do slow-walkers get a pass from that fuckin’ article? The disabled and anyone with a kid who can no longer fit in a bjorn have obvious excuses, and I’ll make exceptions for tourists when I make the dumb decision to visit a touristy part of town (Fenway, and that’s about it.), but a regular ol’ adult who walks slowly just to smell the fuckin’ roses? Fuck that selfish asshole.

The best advice comes at the very end of the article:

Most people tend to look down as they walk. That’s a mistake, says Mehdi Moussaid, a cognitive scientist at the University of Toulouse who models walkers’ behavior on public sidewalks and was an author of the PLoS One study. Some of his advice: Look up and take a wide-angle view to catch openings and slip through.

Cool tip, scientist. I think you’ve been watching too much Arrested Development.

On a serious note, unless you’re in New York City, there isn’t enough sidewalk space in cities to accommodate everyone, hence the anger. And as mad as I get at sidewalk slowpokes, it’s nothing compared to the shitheads from the suburbs who demand multiple lanes and on-street parking that cut into my precious sidewalk real estate.