Theocalypse Now

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We’re in what seems like the millionth month of this culture war bullshit. And that’s all it is. No one under 40 is debating the merits of birth control. The olds are having this debate because they don’t like the idea of relatively young folks doin’ it with (safe, and relatively consequence-free) abandon.  Maybe, and only maybe, a few dum-dums are arguing about abortifacients and abortion, and conflating them with contraception. But I don’t spend my time trying to figure out what’s going on in the minds of idiots.

Sorry there was no BFW last week. I sprained my ankle and had to spend a day figuring out my insurance stuff. I also couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see Louis CK and Jim Gaffigan for the first time live, so my week was cut short.

Campaign Comeback Advice for Mitt Romney

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Mitt’s such a tool, even the GOP base recognizes it and is having a severely difficult time accepting him as their party’s nominee. Of course, as a sensible human being, a tool like Romney is WAY more preferable than Gingrich or Santorum, but they’re all competing for the votes of ignorant, hateful assholes, so sensibility doesn’t factor in at all.

Besides his soulless, unrelatable rich-douche persona, the worst thing about the Romney campaign is that they have to run away from Massachusetts and its extremely popular health care reform because it’s essentially the same thing as President Obama’s. As a freelancer, I couldn’t afford health insurance until Romney’s reforms created a public option for low-income Massachusites (No one says ‘Bay Staters,’ and Massholes imply we’re all an SNL sketch.), so I’m a fan. Anyone who’s against it or ObamaCare either works for the health industry or is a raging moron.

On a lighter note, the sweater tube top in this cartoon is part of my lifelong fascination with tube tops as a thing people actually wore/wear. Even as a towheaded toddler in the early eighties, I knew they were wrong. Here’s a cartoon I did for my high school yearbook, followed by the Bert Fershners comedy sketch that inspired it.

An ALF reference! And my handwriting! I was the coolest.

Thank you, mid ’90’s Comedy Central.

I urge everyone who owns a copy of the Brockton High School 1997 Yearbook to hang onto that shit and write letters to editors who help keep me employed, thereby increasing the value of your yearbook when your kids auction it off on eBay after you die.

Newt Gingrich’s Science Fiction

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I hope it’s obvious that I’m as in-favor of NASA as a person can be. But Newt’s Moon-base talk was nothing but pandering to to the few space coast manufacturers, engineers, and Cape Kennedy motel managers in Florida who continue to vote Republican despite the avalanche of evidence showing that the GOP hates science and every part of government that doesn’t report to the Pentagon.

No one should get to advocate for moon-bases AND increasing the suffering of the working and middle classes. Space exploration should be a luxury for nations only after they have taken care of their poor. So what I’m saying is leave space to the Scandinavians.

Until we get our shit together, us space-nerds will have to make do with watching Orion splashdown in a giant bathtub and living vicariously through all the cool probe/robot shit that’s happening in the solar system, right now!

Know Your Iowa Caucus Safety

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If you think the campaign is dumb now, wait ’til the primary dust settles. Romney and Obama will spend close to a billion to pretend they have widely different opinions, when they’re only really in disagreement about a few minor tweaks of the status quo.

I took a mini-vacation over the holidays because I needed it. Now it’s a new year and I’m back to the fart joke grind.

Order Your New Pet Newt!

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That Gingrinch became the latest front-runner shows how much people loathe Mitt Romney. Gingrich is a petulant dick, something the GOP base loves, but he also has a Washington insider history that’s usually the reason why governors and other “outsiders” get the nomination. I was sixteen when Newt shut down the government, and that was sixteen years ago. Christ, I’m old.

I’m still not counting Willard out, but with just a couple weeks to go before the primaries, I’m not sure how this doesn’t drag out until spring.