Yesterday was Earth Day, so I was probably going to do something similar to this cartoon anyway, but the release of this poll last week definitely helped nudge me in this direction. Apparently Americans aren’t as dumb as I had expected, but we’ll see if they remember the next time we have a snowy winter.
The inspiration for this strip is this recent court ruling. That article features some great quotes from the teacher in question, James Corbett, such as “When you put on your Jesus glasses, you can’t see the truth.”
But unlike Corbett, I’m not actually anti-religion, just anti-know-nothings whose faith crumbles at the mere thought of anything beyond a literal interpretation of their ancient book of choice. And they’re bringing this country down into a stupid-hole we’ll never escape from. To see how far we’ve already fallen, check out this informative graph from Tony Piro.
And the latest Krugman op-ed details the terrifying reality of the Republicans being the anti-facts party, from science, to economics, to pretty much any fact a nerd has saw fit to put on Wikipedia.
Stephen Hawking got a bunch of dum-dums upset earlier this week by saying that heaven is a “fairy story” for people who are afraid to die. I’m not sure why he limited it to just heaven, since every religion was invented for the same reason.
This has created a predictable backlash from religious luminaries, such as Kirk Cameron, famous banana enthusiast.
I’m sure I have “Sidewalk Rage,” if that’s even a thing, but why do slow-walkers get a pass from that fuckin’ article? The disabled and anyone with a kid who can no longer fit in a bjorn have obvious excuses, and I’ll make exceptions for tourists when I make the dumb decision to visit a touristy part of town (Fenway, and that’s about it.), but a regular ol’ adult who walks slowly just to smell the fuckin’ roses? Fuck that selfish asshole.
The best advice comes at the very end of the article:
Most people tend to look down as they walk. That’s a mistake, says Mehdi Moussaid, a cognitive scientist at the University of Toulouse who models walkers’ behavior on public sidewalks and was an author of the PLoS One study. Some of his advice: Look up and take a wide-angle view to catch openings and slip through.
Cool tip, scientist. I think you’ve been watching too much Arrested Development.
On a serious note, unless you’re in New York City, there isn’t enough sidewalk space in cities to accommodate everyone, hence the anger. And as mad as I get at sidewalk slowpokes, it’s nothing compared to the shitheads from the suburbs who demand multiple lanes and on-street parking that cut into my precious sidewalk real estate.
A bit of pandering to you science and academia nerds out there. And a shit joke for everyone else.
Those arsenic microbes are pretty cool, but I was hoping NASA found some life on methane-rich Titan so I could make an easy fart joke.
Next Week: True Facts About the Filthy Rich
I will gladly write full scripts for any of these if anyone wants to produce them. I’m talking to you, Troma.
The last panel goes out to Phil Plait, who recently outed himself as a reader of this comic strip. I don’t think he’s going to be at this show, but I urge all of you in the Boston area without Halloween plans to get your lazy asses to W00tstock.
Lastly, if you need a soundtrack to your spooky weekend shenanigans, I recommend playing Monster Fuck on a constant loop.
Next Week: Conducting Class Warfare
This cartoon ended up being way too scatological, especially following last week’s fart-centric opus. I pledge to keep things to a more high-brow standard around here, at least for a few weeks, and only in the comics. I reserve the right to blog and tweet about farts and butts as often as my juvenile mind pleases.
As for genetically modified foods, I’m okay with them in theory, provided there’s rigorous testing to ensure they’re not going to fuck up ecosystems. But agribusiness isn’t exactly one to care about anything but profits. And anything done to food crops that helps feed more starving people is fine by me. Even it kills some stupid endangered animals.
Next Week: Horror Movie Marathon
For the nerds.
The Terrafugia flying car is a scam. It is simply an airborne dorkmobile.
Next Week: Obscure World of Sports
Color pixels arranged on your screen in a comical fashion? It’s a fuckin’ magical miracle you neden heads!
If you missed the ICP un-science anthem that swept the web last week, here it is:
The CDC should force Faygo to print basic, grade-school level science facts on their labels.
I’ve covered the Large Hadron Collider before. It’s still a few years from operating at full “fuck particles way the fuck up” power, but it looks like it’s now safe from time-traveling, probability-bending ripples.
Anyone with even a tiny math and science background will tell you that the metric system kicks the shit out of our current system, which is a bastard cousin of the long-gone British Imperial system. Dumb America’s stubborn refusal to adopt it is almost as embarrassing as their opposition to health insurance reform.
I know the French invented metric units, but come on! With the metric system, it would be very easy for even the dumbest American to upsize their Frito Pie recipe for a big-ass tea bag party.
Look at this map of countries that use the metric system:
Only the United States, Burma, and Liberia aren’t on board. Antarctica is also gray, but only scientists are down there, and I’m sure they aren’t using pounds and ounces to weigh penguin shit.
Although I’m a big advocate for the metric system, beer and burgers should be measured in pints and pounds for all eternity. I’m in favor of progress, but some things shouldn’t be fucked with.
UPDATE: Over on the BFW Facebook page, Garth pointed out this song from Atom and His Package:
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